Chasing the Promise

I remember the day I sat on his couch and heard husband run through my head multiple times. I thought to myself, I must be tripping because I am not even sure how I feel about this guy how could he be the one? When I left I thought about many Christians who said if you hear something multiple times it is God confirming something for you. I was confused but open to the idea of this guy being the ONE!

He was so confident. He walked with his shoulders back, head high, and demanded respect when he entered a room. His presence screamed confidence. Over time I fell for him. Not a slow soft fall, but a hard one that was hard to shake. He was everything I wasn’t. I was quiet, passive, and doubtful. He, on the other hand, was outspoken, strong, and confident. I saw in him things I wanted to see in myself. He was my balance; or so I thought.

I remember the first time he said I love you. I remember the time he explained the difference between love and in love; as I cried he wiped my tears. I remember when he asked how I felt about having his last name. I can’t shake those memories. It’s funny because my spirit was so connected to his. I truly believed that he was my husband. He never spoke of his issues yet I knew he needed to be reminded that he was a King. My spirit lead me to uplift him, so I did. His words were so fulfilling. I mean he said multiple times I was his wife and he would marry me. They say a man knows the one right? Even though his words spoke to my heart his actions didn’t speak the same language. I found myself neglecting what I truly wanted, which was a relationship leading to marriage, and settling for a hangout type of situation. I did everything for him because I fell in love with him and also because of the PROMISE.

I’ve learned women hold on to the words of a man. They believe in them and hope action will follow. The bond is even stronger when we feel God has confirmed this man as the one. It’s hard to walk away from love but it’s even harder to walk away from a spiritual connection. I believed in this man. I probably believed in him more than I believed in myself; mistake number one. I believed in his words no matter what his actions displayed; mistake number two. I believed in the glimpse of possibility he showed me in moments we were together; mistake number three. All of my beliefs were oversights.

When a man wants a woman he will SHOW her that he wants her. There is no grey area. There is no confusion. There isn’t any doubt in her mind because he will make it clear. The mistake I made that a lot of women make is I believed in his words. I believed in the PROMISE. Don’t get me wrong he loved me, I think, but the words I love you are not enough. There should be gestures, reassurance, and a fight for a future to accompany those words. See I had to sit back and take heed to the lack of action. It was hard, very hard. It was a constant battle of stay or go until he truly revealed how he felt through words. The day I heard him say, “Your problems have nothing to do with me,” was the day I woke up and saw the PROMISE for what it really was; a hold. When a man sees you as a part of his life he will uplift you. He will want to see you through your problems, make things better for you, and console you. If he doesn’t do that either he’s not ready or you’re not the one. I realized I was on hold until he was ready. He probably saw me as a wife. Maybe he really loved me. However, the words were just a hold to keep me there until he was ready to be all in. It was just enough to keep me waiting on him to fulfill his PROMISE.

I had to learn no matter what you do or say if a man is not where he want to be or ready you will NOT get what you want and need. Stop putting your life on hold for a PROMISE. Time is the one thing we can’t get back. At some point we have to stop wasting time on things that are not developing the way we want. We can’t neglect our needs while fulfilling the needs of someone else. I had to let go. It was not an easy task. It takes time and healing to let go of a great possibility. However, it is better to let go than hold on. Holding on can be more damaging than letting go. The pain of letting go is short lived, the pain of holding on and not getting what you want can last longer than it needs to last. If the PROMISE is really meant for you, let go and let that person grow into who they need to be. When they’ve grown they won’t forget the PROMISE to you if it was truly real. Work on yourself during the wait. As the saying goes, What God put together let no one separate (Mark 10:9). If it is for you it will happen. Just don’t hold on to someone chasing a promise. Promises without ACTION can lead to heartbreak.